There Again!

There Again!

So it appears that I find myself it there far to familiar place of not wanting to be living, of finding my life crap. I have nothing going for me, I don’t want to do anything and I’ve spent the last 2 weeks doing nothing, saying I will do something tomorrow, but tomorrow never seems to come.

I’m making life miserable for everyone, they would be much happier if I wasn’t here. I wish I could stop feeling like this, but I’ve noticed that I have isolated myself from almost everyone. I want to have people to talk to, to turn to, but I just hide away, not joining in things and not chatting to people.

I am my own worse enemy, I don’t want to carry on like this, I don’t know how to change the person I am to one that I may like, and therefore feel like I am worthy of friendships.

What is the point? I just wish I had the courage to change things, end things, I want life to stop because it feels like such hard work.

But I have the kids and my husband, and I’m not sure I want to do something so big that would impact on them. I want to see my kids grow up, I want to return the love my husband gives me, but I just don’t know if I have the strength anymore.

I want to lose weight, but sabotage that everyday by eating high calorie rubbish! I have no self control, I am useless and really don’t deserve to be here anymore.

I just want it to end.


2 thoughts on “There Again!

  1. When you feel an anxious thought coming, please try this: watch it, but don’t judge it. Allow it to be there. This way, you are cutting the link between your thought and emotion. If you can’t allow it, that’s fine too. What’s important is that you are becoming aware of what is going on inside you. You are creating space within yourself. You are surrounded by all the love and help you need. Always.

  2. I’m so glad I came across this post. Please don’t feel like you are alone with all this. There are loads of people who would want to help you. I don’t claim to know how you’re feeling but I know how much mental health problems can impact on a day-to-day basis. Don’t feel bad about overeating…some people smoke, some people drink and self harm and like you some people turn to food as a way to cope.
    You are so much stronger than I think you realise. I have been in a place where everything felt too much and I struggled to see the light. The best thing I ever did was reached out for help and told someone I wasn’t coping. Please please talk to someone if you haven’t already. You can get through it, I promise. ❤
    I'm here anytime you want to talk xx

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