So it appears that I find myself it there far to familiar place of not wanting to be living, of finding my life crap. I have nothing going for me, I don’t want to do anything and I’ve spent the last 2 weeks doing nothing, saying I will do something tomorrow, but tomorrow never seems to come.
I’m making life miserable for everyone, they would be much happier if I wasn’t here. I wish I could stop feeling like this, but I’ve noticed that I have isolated myself from almost everyone. I want to have people to talk to, to turn to, but I just hide away, not joining in things and not chatting to people.
I am my own worse enemy, I don’t want to carry on like this, I don’t know how to change the person I am to one that I may like, and therefore feel like I am worthy of friendships.
What is the point? I just wish I had the courage to change things, end things, I want life to stop because it feels like such hard work.
But I have the kids and my husband, and I’m not sure I want to do something so big that would impact on them. I want to see my kids grow up, I want to return the love my husband gives me, but I just don’t know if I have the strength anymore.
I want to lose weight, but sabotage that everyday by eating high calorie rubbish! I have no self control, I am useless and really don’t deserve to be here anymore.
I just want it to end.