Today I feel like I’m in a very dark, dark, pit. Last week I was feeling just a bit more positive, I thought I could maybe see a light, only very faintly, but there definitely seemed to be something. Today though all that seems to have gone, actually it started on Friday, but today it seems worse.
I want to be able to just give up, I want to just wave the white flag and say I surrender, I can’t take anymore. But I can’t, I have to keep going, for the sake of the kids and nj. My gremlins say they would be better off without me, but my sensible brain tells me that’s not true.
Being back on quietapine is some of the issue I think. I am just so so tired, all the time. Then I can’t sleep at night, which then adds to my tiredness and I end up sleeping during the day. So take today for example, I took the kids to school, and when I got back I tried to watch a bit of TV, but I was dropping off, so I went to bed and didn’t get up until after 1. Then I had no desire to do any housework. Which then makes me feel crap!!
My psychiatrist has suggested ect therapy, or lithium, as we need to try something more aggressive. Neither of them seem particularly great options, but I may be running out of choices.
It is so hard when you want to run away from everything, but the main thing I want to run away from is my brain, and I don’t think that is physically possible!!