My brain seems to be all mixed up!
I am struggling at the moment, and I feel like I am on a downward spiral, and my gremlins are getting louder. Some of the problem is that I need to speak to people about how I am really feeling, but that is difficult for me. I want people to talk to me and ask how I am, but then when they do I just say either okay, or so so. I don’t want them to know how I am feeling, I’m not sure if it’s because I am embarrassed, or if I think if I don’t speak then it’s not real?
I really do not understand myself, so anyone else is going to have a real job on their hands! I wish all this up and down stuff would just stop, I wish I could get on an even standing, and just live life like any other normal person. (Although I am not sure what a normal person is!).
I’ve got lots of jobs to do, but no motivation to do them, house work and business work, I also need to make a phone call for work , but my brain feels too mashed to talk about anything sensibly. I also don’t feel like talking.
I’d like to go to bed and wake up when my mood has improved, no chance of that with 3 children and a husband to look after. I can feel my anxiety starting to emerge again too, another aspect of my mind that is not good.
This post is all over the place today, but it’s how my brain is working and it feels and seems all disjointed, I am still looking for the magic wand that will make everything all right! It’s been 3 years, but still no sign of it.