3 Years

3 Years

It’s almost 3 years since I started taking antidepressants, 3 years since I admitted that all was not okay with me, 3 years since mine and the rest of the family’s life was changed forever.

I would like to say that the changes have been for the better and that I am now a stronger better person, but I can’t, not yet. I am still on that journey to find ‘me’ again, to know that who I am is good enough, and that I am worthy of being loved.

I have talked and talked over the last 3 years to health professionals and my friends, and I guess it has made me take a look at myself, to try and see what is wrong with me.

My sisters are both doing okay, one suffered with depression many years ago, but is now okay and seems to be handling life really well. My other sister has never suffered depression, but has been sympathetic and kind of supportive. So this leaves me questioning my original thoughts that it is all about my upbringing and the lack of emotional support whilst growing up. I have come to realise that it is me, and how I was programmed before birth, I am just not very positive about myself, I have no confidence in my own abilities and constantly question my role in life.

I saw my psychologist today and we are going to work towards helping me understand why I am like I am, and also learn how to deal with the kids and accept that as long as I show them love and affection, telling them off will not make them hate me, or feel unloved like I have.

3 Years ago I thought by October everything would be okay, that things would be back to normal, how wrong could I be? The health professionals all said there was no time limit on getting better and that it would be a journey, but that I would get better. I know things are much better than they were, but I still feel like I am treading water most  of the time, and almost waiting for the next major dip.

So the journey continues, if anyone has any good tips on making the journey easier please let me know.

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2 thoughts on “3 Years

  1. when it comes to depression i don’t think you ever recover fully…i think you do get better…or at least start to think in a better way. i know that doesn’t sound helpful but when someone told me that i don’t know how but it sort of made me feel better in myself. just knowing that there is no point to reach that means your better so there’s less pressure if that makes sense? i’ve suffered from depression since i was 15ish…then got PND then severe depression. It’s a hard thing to deal with especially when there are people around you who don’t understand. some people think if you can’t see it or you havn’t felt it then it doesn’t exist. They are the kind of people you should shy away from because if they think like that then i suppose they technically don’t believe you. you should surround yourself with happy positive people, who make you smile and laugh and you know for sure they love you, because at the end of the day them kinda people are the nice kind of people. And the happiness might rub off on you. always does with me. i know you’re probably thinking aw shes just a 23 year old what does she know..but i actually know what im talking about so give it a go!

    don’t put yourself down(there are people out there who will do that for you)
    don’t listen to those people who do put you down,what do they know!!if they’re putting you down then are they friends? nope! and if they’re not friends…do their opinions matter? nope.

    listen to happy music 😀 my favourite is ‘walking on sunshine’ or ‘on top of the world’ they always make me smile.

    set goals. they can be small goals like tidy up certain rooms…no matter how small you will always feel an accomplishment when you do it.

    i’m not saying do this but i stopped taking anti-depressants and felt so much better…talk to your doctor about it though.

    hope this helps at least a little bit x

    1. Thank you for taking the time to reply, coming off the meds is an option for me, not yet anyway, I’ve tried reductions and then things go bad again!

      The people close to me do understand, but it still feels rubbish. I think once the kids are back at school I will start feeling a bit less stressed. X

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