After feeling quite despondent after last weeks psychology appointment I wasn’t sure how this week would go, suffice to say that it was much more hard going, which has left me feeling down, quiet and emotional.
I know I have to go through all this to be able to somehow come out on the other side, but I don’t think I realised how much just one difficult session would effect me. I talked about me, and how I feel about me, and how I feel others see me, it was mostly about my relationship with my mum, or lack of, but it has sent me back to the darker place. NJ asked me yesterday what the session was about, and I could only say what I said above, but it was more than that, but it is hard to explain, and some of the things just make me sound more weird than I already am!
So today I have struggled with my emotions, TJ is at home as we have swapped her playgroup morning to fit in with other things this week, but it means I have been at home and not visiting friends like I would normally do on her day with me. I could easily have sat and done nothing, I was going that way and had even given in to TJ watching beebies, but fortunately (I guess) the postman arrived with some baby plants that needed to be potted, so as it wasn’t raining we togged up and went outside for an hour, meaning I was distracted for some time and TJ got some fresh air.
TJ is now in bed and I am left alone to think, which is really not a good idea at the moment, but she needs sleep and the school run is not that far off. I should be busying myself with housework but it is never very inviting at the best of times. I am now thinking how long will my gremlins stay in my head this time, will I be able to shake them off in a couple of days, or will they still be there where I head back to the psychologist and therefore be given more food to grow?