I have finally been assigned a psychologist, and have now been for 3 appointments.
I was unsure what to expect, for starters it was a man, I had only ever spoken with female CPN’s and Psychologist and wasn’t sure how comfortable I would feel. Although as I write this I realise that the psychiatrist that I have seen were both male and so is my GP, but anyway I felt unsure about it all. I also did not know what the sessions would be like, what would we talk about, would it be like CBT, would I have homework to do?
The first session we talked about lots of things, why I was there, my family, children, husband, life in general and possibly lot of other things too. I felt fairly comfortable talking to this man, but it was hard to say what I wanted out of the sessions, I just want to feel ‘normal’ and find some peace in my head. See that is what I should have said to him, I will have to try to remember that and tell him next week.
The second session we talked about the difference between being nervous and being anxious, I have also said I was nervous when going to appointments or anything new, but now I am more likely to say that I am anxious and I was unsure what the difference was, I think after our discussion I am inclined to think that anxious is slightly or a lot worse than just being nervous. It would be good to know what others thought about it though. We also ended up talking about the birth of TJ and how it made me feel, unfortunately we didn’t have much time left, so we left the session almost mid flow with a view to continuing the discussion the following week.
This week, I was tired and not so full of conversation, as always he asked how my week had been, which hadn’t been too bad, although I was struggling with my gremlins most of yesterday and had no idea why. So we talked about that for half of the session, and he seemed almost lost as to what to say to me, he kept pondering on what I had said and then would try to say something to make sense of it, which didn’t always work. We then continued to talk about TJ’s birth, how it made me feel, and possibly the reasons behind it, once again he did a lot of pondering and trying to make sense of what I was saying. I left the apt feeling unmotivated, I didn’t feel I had got much out of the session, maybe in a few days time when I have digested it all I will feel differently?
As I am still unsure what I should be getting out of these sessions, and where I am likely to be taken, it would be really useful to know what other people’s experiences are of psychologists. Have they helped you, have you had bad experiences, do you understand what appointments should be about?
I have this bad habit of needing to know everything, why I am feeling the way I do, how these appointments are going to help me and how long will it take me to get back to ‘me’? Ok the last one is like asking how long is a piece of string, but that’s how my mind works!