We (NJ and I) are currently in battle with AJ, she has become someone I don’t like very much. Don’t get me wrong I love AJ and always will, I just don’t particularly like what she is becoming. She is becoming a very selfish, disrespectful, and moody little girl, and I feel responsible for this.
She refused last night to go to gymnastics, something that seems to happen every so often, but as she didn’t go over the weekend (school residential) she really needed to go last night, however as she is a lot stronger than me there is nothing I can do to force her out of the door. So grandma had a wasted journey as she takes her, and I had to make a call (but luckily got the answer machine) to say she wasn’t coming.
Once NJ got home we began a discussion with AJ about what was wrong, and eventually it transpired that she and her boyfriend were being pestered at school and it was upsetting her. So we talked and talked, but the other two to bed and talked some more about school, the kids pestering her and also about gymnastics. We felt like we had talked more to her last night than we have in months as she has a habit of shutting herself away in her room and not communicating with the rest of us. She was chatty and happy and said she did still want to go to gymnastics and she wanted to be as good as possible. NJ and I felt really positive about our conversations with AJ, we thought finally she’s talking to us and she sounds really positive.
Unfortunately a nights sleep and a day a school has seen all that change once again, she messed about at tea time, she wouldn’t get changed and she kept saying she didn’t want to go, which is fine until I say okay I will ring and tell them that you know longer want to go, and then once again we have the screams of NO DON’T. She went, and sat in stony silence with grandma all the way, but apparently went it quite happily.
This evening NJ and I have decided that enough is enough and it is time to end her membership, it is a constant battle to get her there, and it is doing none of us any good. It is such a hard decision as I know she enjoys it when she is there, and I also know that she is actually quite good, but she lacks the drive and enthusiasm to actually make anything of it.
This has all made me feel like a failure, I have a child that is moody and disrespectful and also lacks any enthusiasm. I see other children (including her brother) get excited about new challenges and want to practice and make themselves better, and I know that she is who she is, and I can’t expect her to be someone else, but I can’t help feeling that I have failed her. With these thoughts come the gremlins out of the woodwork, and however much people may tell me that it is not my fault, deep down I know it is.
I hope that one day she doesn’t turn round and ask why we stopped taking her to gym, why we didn’t push her that little bit more, gymnastics was her thing, she asked to do it (she even waited a year on a waiting list), she was a natural at it straight away, but on so many occasions it has been a difficult task to get her to go.
So this particular battle over gymnastics might be coming to an end, but I am not sure how long the battle of her attitude and behaviour will take to come to a peaceful end.