I crave to be in control of my life and my kids, it appears I am not with either. Today has been a long day and it’s not yet over!

I’ve had 2 ill children since Wednesday and they have become far too full of energy, upon trying to get them outside I faced all morning and into the start of the afternoon with them shouting and squabbling and refusing point-blank to get dressed let alone go outside!

Finally when Tj was in bed (after having a run around outside) I managed to be firm enough to get them dressed and outside, where they played happily for a couple of hours, all 3 were happy and AJ and FJ had even decided to start climbing trees when it started to hail / rain, I wasn’t too bothered to start with, but as it got harder and wetter and they were not wearing coats, and they are still recovering from tonsillitis I wanted them in. However all 3 continued to do as they pleased, until it got really wet!

During this time I have felt cross, angry (are they the same?) upset, stressed, and everything else that you feel when things are not going your way, I wondered why, but I think I know why, it’s to do with my desire to be in control all the time. I hate it when the kids seem to have no respect for me, or each other and won’t actually do as I ask them. My memory as a child was to always do as I was told and not answer back to my parents, I would go as far as to say we were slightly scared of my mum, now this memory may be unjustified, at a younger age I may have not done as I was told but as I don’t know I can only go with what I believe. I crave for the perfect children, children that do as they are told when they are told, mine do as they are told when at school, just not when they cross the home threshold.

I hasten to add I am not a control freak, when other people are around I mostly let others make the decision, I just want to be the one that is strong enough to make the decisions and also to make my children do as they are asked!!

Now deep breaths, it’s almost the end of the Easter holidays. !


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