I recently did some filing, some much-needed filing it turns out as some bank statements and various other bits of paper to file were from 2009! (some were even earlier, but we won’t go there!). Amongst the filing I found my GCSE and A-Level certificates, so to remind myself I took a look and found that I had got a C at A-Level in Theatre Studies, something that I had forgotten.
To some that might not seem much, but it got me thinking about the hard work I put in to get my A-Levels (second time round) and to get to University. I’ve never been a natural academic, I’ve always been much better doing practical things, and learning that way. Unfortunately I was brought up with the belief that I would do A-Levels and then go to University, so that was my aim. Going through clearing twice was not good, the tears of disappointment that I didn’t get to where I wanted (and now I can’t even remember where that was!), and the stress of looking for a course that was what I wanted to do and would also accept me.
Fortunately I did get to University, I spent 3 years sort of working hard, played hard, and also earning money pulling pints. But what I didn’t have was any career insight, my original career choice had been drama therapy, but shortly into my 2nd year I realised I was never going to make that sort of career, both due to my shyness and lack of funds to do my studying. I was determined to complete the course though as both my sisters had dropped out after their 1st year and I wanted my parents to be proud of me.
I got my degree, but 14 years on I am now wondering what was the point. I didn’t manage to get on any of the graduate training courses I applied for, nor did I manage to get any other job that used my expertise from my degree. Instead I just got a ‘job’ working in an administrative role, and when I moved due to my then boyfriend’s (Now husband) job I got yet another job in an administrative role and so it continued. As time continued I stopped looking for new jobs that might be to do with the arts and just looked at administrative roles, then I became a mummy, and all thoughts of career just went out the window.
I was happy to be a mum and work part-time, or so I thought. Now that TJ our 3rd is here I am a SAHM, which wasn’t always the plan. I was to work on my business and start getting more sales and more publicity. Unfortunately that never happened I got ill with PND and I wasn’t able to do that so the business was closed. Even though I am still ill I keep looking at possible part-time jobs that I could do, but still be a SAHM. I know though that I am still now well enough to carry out any of these ideas I keep getting, but I still feel the need to succeed in something.
Now 14 years on I wonder what was the point in re-taking my A-Levels, with the embarrassment that caused (school uniform kind of gave it away), then going to University, to now have no career and no prospects. I do know that if I hadn’t I wouldn’t have met NJ and in turn would not have had my 3 children, but I just wish that maybe I could have looked at things different and seen a better career path for myself and managed to achieve something.
My children will not grow up thinking they MUST do A-Levels and the MUST go to University, I’m sure my parents will deny that they heavily encourage us, but that was how I felt. I will encourage all 3 of my children to follow whatever career path they may wish, and in doing so will follow the correct way to get there.
I hope that once I am better I will manage to carve out a career for myself so that when I get to 80 I can look back and think, yes I lived my life well and look what I achieved.