Pyschatrist Appointment

Pyschatrist Appointment

Yesterday I went to see the psychiatrist, only my second visit. I was very anxious about the visit and had been on edge every time I thought about it over the past few days. I’m not sure what I was anxious about, it was just a follow-up appointment after having my meds increased 3 months ago, but then again my anxiety never has any reason.

I was very fidgety when I went in, he had read through my notes from my CPN and knew that things had not been that good, which made things a little easier to talk about. I told him that I had struggled before we went away, but since the holiday things have not been as bad, although I am still getting lots of thoughts of self harm.

I asked about increasing my meds (this is from someone 12 months ago who never wanted to go on meds), but he didn’t feel I would benefit from this and felt that what I needed now was to be with the psychological therapies (which I am on the waiting list for).

He then said that he didn’t feel I needed to see him again, my medication was ok, and I was still being seen by a CPN and could ask to see him again if I felt the need.

I should have been happy, I was being discharged, but when I returned to my car I cried, I was upset and felt lonely and lost and I have no idea why. I felt the need to speak to someone, but didn’t know who I could talk to and who would understand. I later spoke to NJ and I realised that it was possibly because I have not been discharged as I am ‘better’ but because there was nothing else he could do to help and I have just to wait until I get to the top of the list with the therapies.

I felt very down last night, anxious and fed up. I suppose on the one hand I feel ‘better’ I am able to do things and get on with life, but I also know that I am taking medication which is giving me a false feeling of hope and motivation. When I am on my own, with no children about I am at my worse. It gives me time to think about my feelings, about how my life is and where my life is going.

On a quick side note, my life is good at the moment, the kids are mostly happy, TJ is developing well, although she is a handful; climbing, pressing buttons, eating things off the floor etc etc, but generally things are good. NJ and I seem to be getting on well and we have had a good summer holiday away.

However that does not stop me feeling down and rubbish and sometimes want all the thoughts to stop in my head and just move forward. I also know that an increase in my meds would probably not help me, it is going to all be down to me now and how much effort I put into getting better.

One day I will feel right and ‘normal’ and be able to continually enjoy life, one day!

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4 thoughts on “Pyschatrist Appointment

  1. Hi love, I couldnt read and run when this one is so close to my heart – I would agree that more meds probably wouldnt help – is there any possibility that you could pay for a couple of sessions of CBT in the interim to get you going – I seriously couldnt recommend it highly enough and it would SO help you feel like you were making the right inroads to good mental health again. It was a life changer for me – I never thought I would see a day of being med free but after the counselling I found that I didnt need a pill to manage my mood, just some very good CBT skills and the will to change the way I was feeling.

    You CAN and WILL do this love, you really will. I so understand what you said at the end about in life everything seems to be going good or OK – but you still feel rubbish – I used to feel exactly the same – I just couldnt understand why I felt the way I did – like I didnt have a shit life so I shouldnt feel so shit but unfortunately it just doesnt work that way – you are doing well sunshine – keep going – tomorrow is another day nearer to getting the counselling that will change your thoughts and feelings completely.

    1. Thank you so much for your comments, I know something in the interim would be good, but money is tight at the moment as I am not working, so will just have to battle through.

      Its good to know that other people have felt the same and actually understand how I am feeling.

      Thanks for taking the time to comment.

      X

  2. I just had to leave a lmessage and send you a huge hug – you are not alone!
    I’ve had depression on and off since I was 17, have now been on these current meds for about 7 years now. Unfortunately I had a massive melt down (again) last Ocotber, I quit my job, had huge financial problems and ended up moving back in with my parents.
    I was seen by my mental health unit asap as I was suicidal and slef harming. My meds were upped and when I was more stable, I was put on the waiting list for psychology. Apparently depression and anxiety run in my family, so I’ll prob be on medication for life. It doesn’t bother me anymore, as the way I think about it has completely changed. At first I hated the idea of being on meds and treid to get off them asap (once I had them for 5 months, then a further 7 months) but in the end, I always ended up on them again. The way I see it, I have an illness. I have a chemical imbalance that the meds replace – I see them like bike stabalisers, helping me to keep moving forwards. I also thought, would I hav this hang up if I had some other illness, like diabeties?? So now I feel a lot better about meds.
    I start my psychology next week and I can’t wait. Although things are starting to get better, I still don’t have the coping mechanisms in place to deal with things like stress and anxiety, so I’m hoping that’s what they will give me.

  3. Forgot to add, don’t give up, life is for living.
    See small things as huge achievements – because they are! Mine started with just getting up and getting dressed!!
    It’s good to talk and blog – sharing asomething lets others help you, so yay you for the blogging!!
    Try and find something to smile about 😉
    Good luck, I’ll keep reading to see how you’re doing.
    Loads of huge hugs!!

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