Time to celebrate?

Time to celebrate?

Should I be celebrating?

In 9 days time my very cute, cheeky and lovable youngest will turn 1, it is a time when I should be celebrating that she has reached her year milestone. I should be getting excited about having a party and sharing in the joy with lots of other people, the same way that I did with AJ & FJ. I am doing the getting ready for a party but the day will most likely be tinged with apprehension and fear of what happened on that day 12 months ago.

You can read my birth story here Birth Story for TJ, where you will possibly understand why I am apprehensive about the day.

The way in which TJ was brought into this world was the way I had always feared, and unfortunately it triggered something in me which has now changed my life forever. I am no longer innocent to mental health problems, I am no longer able to just get on with life unaware what was starting to break inside my brain. I am still struggling with PND and the constant fear that things might get as bad as they did in October last year.

From the outside I have 3 lovely children, all behave wonderfully (apparently!) and all are healthy. So in theory I should have nothing to be depressed, stressed or anxious about… Unfortunately mental health doesn’t work like that, it is completely random and can strike anyone down at anytime. Even now almost 12 months on and things are much easier I still struggle some days with menial tasks of feeding the kids decent food and getting them bathed and into bed at a sensible time.

Whilst things have been and still are difficult I have learnt many things about myself and also about mental illness, so I suppose I should be celebrating that fact, instead of dwelling on the bad I need to pick out the good points and celebrate them. I have also started to talk more one of my sisters, another thing to be pleased about. But these are not things that I will want to have celebrated with the mass at a party for my youngest, these are things that I need to celebrate in my own way.

I am slowly discovering that I do love all my children very much, and however bad and naughty they are, and however much I shout at them I would not be without them. TJ will always be special to me in that her entry to the world has given me a different view on life and hopefully in the long-term the journey will make me stronger.

So in answer to my question to myself, YES it is time to celebrate, TJ has made it to a year seemingly unscathed by the whole process and I am also still here, and the family is still together.


11 thoughts on “Time to celebrate?

  1. You have come a long way. The whole tone of your journal has changed from what it was last year so you should definitely be proud of yourself 🙂

  2. wow, you have done so well. It is great to hear you try and pull the positives from it all. I know from experience that is hard, but you can do it and you know in your heart, you will do it.
    Good luck to you and I look forward to now following your blog

  3. I understand having had Pnd three times. You should defiantly celebrate. I felt like surviving a year was an important milestone. Found your blog on love new blogs btw

  4. A lovely, honest post. PND is a horrible thing – but when it does go -and it will at some point- you’ll feel empowered and strong knowing that you came through it in one piece xx

  5. What a great post! Your opening paragraph really drew me in and now I want to read the whole story. I am also a PND sufferer and still haven’t got my head completely sorted after 4 years. I think there is such a lack of resource for dealing with it positively and it is difficult for sufferers to be open about it. I think blogging is a great way of getting it out and gaining some perspective on it. Thanks for a good read x

    1. Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’m sorry that you are still struggling with the dreaded PND, I have actually been very lucky with the care I have recieved (I think I am probably in the minority!) but has been a very good therapy to write about and also have comments from people who have either been through PND or are still struggling with it. Its amazing how many women have suffered with PND, when you start talking to people you realise that people you would never have suspected and seem so together have also suffered. I am hoping that the Joanne Bingley Memorial Foundation will help to reduce the stigma of PND and also raise much needed awareness of how bad it can be. Thanks again for taking the time to reply.

I hope you enjoyed reading this post, I would love to know what you thought.

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