Well for once I am feeling really pleased with myself.
Today I actually went to the toddler group in the village, that I have been saying I would go to for the last 5 years!! I did need someone to hold my hand (metaphorically!) to get me through the door, but it was fine. It wasn’t scary, no one looked at me as if I shouldn’t be there, the kids were not of too high a volume and my 2 enjoyed themselves. To top that I achieved it without getting anxious at all, no shakes no sweating no panicking! It has made me really pleased that I have achieved something that even a month ago I just would not have believed I could do.
On the flip side of this, (and something which I have laughed about) I was all of a fluster, shaking like a leaf and worried about going to clinic. This was not a trip that I had to do, it was something I was choosing to do to see how TJ was doing now she was 10 months. I also know the Nursery Nurse very well as she had been visiting me almost weekly since July, and I also know the Health Visitor. So why was I anxious? There seems no sensible answer so I told the Nursery Nurse and had a good laugh about it, that something so familiar could set me off.
I have also managed this week to watch TV without fiddling with my phone, something that I have been doing for months, even when its been a really good programme.
For me these 2 achievements show me that I am improving, and things are definitely going in the right direction. I feel for the first time in possibly over a year like ‘me’ (not sure who ‘me’ is yet!) and feel that I can begin to plan for the future and start enjoying life again. I am sure there will be more down days, but at least I can look back on today and know that I did achieve something this week .