Self Distruct Button

Self Distruct Button

I wonder if anyone else has one of these?

I have this button that keeps getting brighter urging me to press it, to bring me back down to where I was in October. So far I have managed to resist it, but as it gets brighter it’s getting more appealing again. So what is this button? ‘Self harm’ –  it’s not nice, it’s not clever and I so wish I had not pressed that button several months ago, and maybe now the button would just be a slight glimmer instead of shining bright!

I was told by several CPN’s from the Crisis team that it would not help me and it would just make the journey to recovery harder, so did I listen? Of course I didn’t, to me and anyone else who has self harmed ‘no one understands’ so you go ahead, press that button. Actually it did make me feel better, for a short time, so they were wrong about that, they were right however, that it didn’t make the internal pain and anguish go away, they were also right that the journey would be longer.

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