Its only 9.40 and already I want the day to end, well actually I never wanted to get up this morning, but with 3 kids and a school run to do I didn’t really have a choice. Noise of any sort was not good for me this morning which is never a good sign, I had TJ crying and the older 2 just yattering – so not doing anything wrong but just winding me up nevertheless.
By 8.15 I was screaming at them, quite literally, sometimes I shout and get crossed but I SCREAMED at them to stop messing and clean their teeth, which was a complete waste of energy (and really not warranted) as it made no difference to them they didn’t even jump!
I so just want to crawl back into bed and wake up when I feel better. Life is so frustrating when I feel like this, I think what is more frustrating is that I know I can feel better, and have felt better. The problem is with a mental health illness no one can say ‘this is what it will be like and then you will get better’ if you have a broken leg, or tooth ache, you know it will hurt for a while, but then it will get better and you will move on. Illnesses of the brain just don’t work like that, and it is taking me some time to get my head round it (and I’m still not sure on it all). Even if someone tells you – ‘this is how you will feel, then you will feel a bit better, then bad for a bit etc’ it still doesn’t help the frustration.
It’s at times like this I just wish I could take the kids to someone and forget about it all, unfortunately life is not that simple or easy, TJ is asleep, which is good as she refused to sleep yesterday, and FJ is playing on his computer. (which he shouldn’t be as he was banned from the DS for a week as punishment, but its easier for me) So in reality I should be ok – but I know in 1.5hrs I will need to take FJ to lunch club and then the tantrums will start again when I ask him to put his shoes on.
Well that’s my moan for the morning, lets see how the day pans out.