I’m feeling in a strange place at the moment, last week was better than it had been for a while, I had very little anxiety and even managed a trip to Meadow Hall and had a lovely time with a friend. However since Sunday I have got my anxiety back, and also my bad thoughts in my head. These thoughts of self harm are starting to take over again and I also am thinking constantly how am I feeling?
I just feel a little lost at the moment, how do I feel? Am I depressed? Have I got anxiety? why does my head keep questioning how I feel? How can I appear ok on the front but inside I just want to scream? Some of me wants to keep all this to myself, so I can ‘appear’ to be getting better and then maybe I can move on from what has happened, but then the sensible side of me says ‘you must talk’. I am fed up of talking, I’m sure everyone is getting a bit tired of me always talking about how I am feeling, constantly up and down. I suppose that is why I have created this blog, I can talk to everyone and no one and if you don’t like what you are reading you can walk away and I will be none the wiser!
Yesterday even though I was struggling with my thoughts I managed to sort out my kitchen, moved stuff about and cleared the work tops, I am just hoping that I can keep it tidy now! Just the rest of the house to work on, will start with the dinning room, although that’s the place that seems to collect the most junk!
Maybe tomorrow things will being to seem a little clearer?