Today did not start off well, TJ woke me up at 6.30 and did not want to go back to sleep, which meant I had to get up – last day of the school holidays and she has made sure everyday I have not had a lie in. Next week she will probably be back to normal and I still won’t be able to lie in as have to get the other 2 ready for school!
I did not take getting up early very well, tears were flowing and I just felt generally fed up, she also didn’t eat her breakfast and drink her milk well. So the start of the day was bad and NJ knew this and tried to cheer me up, not that much was going to help. The day got worse as TJ would not go to sleep for her nap, she usually likes to nap about 9ish but was having none of it, which also had me in tears again. I then decided that it would be easier and less stressful to just get her up. NJ had spoken to his mum and she said she would have the kids for lunch and the afternoon, which I was very grateful for, I really needed a break.
Somehow once we had said bye to everyone, TJ finally went to sleep and it was so nice to have a quite house! I then had my CPN coming round, but it was good to be able to speak to her without TJ crying all the time (TJ does not seem to like my CPN!). I had a good chat with her, told her that I am still getting anxious over silly things, which makes me feel worse. Its fine getting anxious over ‘real’ things, like meeting someone or an appointment, or a phone call, but to get anxious over daily tasks is just stupid. She has given me a booklet to try to help with dealing with the anxiety and I think she feels it would be better to try to deal with the anxiety than upping my meds. I just hope she is right. She also spoke to me about work and if I had given anymore thought to what I would like to do, which I haven’t. I know I will need to do something, but at the moment my mind just can not focus on these sorts of things.
I’m not due to see her now for just over 2 weeks, but after the morning I’d had I felt surprisingly calm. I think just having the older 2 out and TJ asleep just made the house seem bearable again and gave me the break that I needed.
I am feeling quite positive at the moment, not necessarily about the future but just for now and will try to hold on to that thought as I go into the weekend.