Having started this several days ago, I have realised it may take me some time to write this all down, so it seems to make sense to write it in parts and publish it as I write.
I had my last daughter in May 2010 and due to gestational diabetes and the lack of growth from the bump I was to be induced. Things did not go to plan and I ended up with an emergency section under anaesthetic, not what I was expecting after 2 very normal, if a little quick, previous births!
Following this traumatic birth things were difficult anyway due to the section, I was unable to do so much when I was used to being so independent, then followed the difficulty with breast-feeding and bonding with baby. I struggled on for a while and then admitted I was struggling and so was referred for counselling – which was very strange. I suppose I didn’t know what to expect, and spent most of the sessions in tears.
During this time I was becoming obsessed with how I was feeling, constantly looking on the Internet about PND, thinking that maybe that’s what I had, but too scared to admit it. It was actually my husband who finally spoke about it – I say spoke, but actually it was via Google chat! But it brought it to a head and it got the ball rolling, in a sense.