Should I be sacked?

If I was in paid employment as the house keeper and nanny I would have been sacked by now as I am doing a very poor job as both! As it is I have to continue to struggle and battle with the housework and the children.

I know what I need to do, but I seem unable to carry out any of the tasks required. The house looks like there has been an explosion in all the rooms, there is washing that needs drying, clothes that need washing and ironing to do. The children are running riot and are just doing what ever they please, shouting, throwing, hitting and I appear to be speaking in a foreign language to them.

The house I think I can just about remedy, so maybe I would just be on a final warning for that, but as for the children I seem unable to control them and therefore my job as a nanny would be defunct. (If only!)

I know that I need to have more interaction with the children, they need to have less TV, DSi, iPhone, iPad and computer, and they need me to sit with them and play or make things. They also need more discipline, but I am so useless that when I try to discipline them I never see anything though, or not have any continuity so they just do what ever they want. I know that I need to have some self discipline to create more routine in the house and more time with the children than on the computer, iPhone, iPad!! I also need to feed them better, real meals that involve more than cucumber and tomatoes as their vegetables.

I possibly need to introduce reward charts, but again that would require my commitment to continue with it for more than a week to get any real return from the children, and with the ages 9.5, 6 and 2.5 it is quite hard to find something that will work for all of them. They have no respect for me or each other and are rude and selfish most of the time. Apparently when with other people they are wonderful, so somewhere inside them they have learnt something good.

I feel such a failure as a parent, you hear so much in the media about how bad children are and I know that I have 3 of them in my house, answering back, doing whatever they want and generally not being nice. No matter what anyone says, they are a creation of me, in both body and mind and I wish so much I could go back and re-do my work, and try harder this time.

I want to shout at them (which I have been doing far too much these last few days), but I also want to swear at them (which I won’t do) and bang their heads together (which I also won’t do). Sometimes I even want to walk out of the house and leave them to argue and fight on their own (again I won’t do), but my conscience won’t let me do anything to cause them harm, or put them in harms way.

I know that this negative thinking is the depression rearing its head again, but I don’t know what has triggered it, or maybe nothing has and I just have a broken mind? The worse I get the worse the children seem to be and then the worse I get, a catch 22 really.

It’s all back to normal on Monday, so maybe then my brain will settle down and I will get some sort of control of the house, if not I am seeing my psychologist on Tuesday so maybe he can help me work out why it’s all going wrong again!

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5 thoughts on “Should I be sacked?

  1. I don’t think you should be sacked, you do a great job of holding it all together! No one said having 3 kids with those age gaps was going to be easy, so just keep them occupied, fed and the house so you can move around and we will all be happy. X

  2. As mad as it sounds (and sorry for saying) yay!! i am not alone!

    I feel constantly guilty about the mess, devastation and destruction in our house and by bedtime i am so relieved the day is done that i could sit and weep at times!

    I am planning to be more organised next week … planning on anyway.

    Keep your chin up :-)

  3. I hope the discipline of a routine has given you some structure and breathing space. Don’t be too hard on yourself – you know this feeling will pass. It’s just, from where you’re standing right now (slap bang in the middle of it) it feels like you’re drowning.
    We all fall into the trap of measuring ourselves against the toned, tanned, dentally perfect families we see posing in their perfect homes (with some carefully-placed “mess” in the background) but comparison to other people and adoption of their values and ideals are just sticks to beat yourself with.
    Time to prioritize, sod the house, get out and go and do something fun with the kids – something that involves looking each other in the eye and hugs and hand-holding. When I’m feeling shit, it helps to remove all the unnecessary pressure, get away from screens and electronics and re-connect with the warmth of another human and kids are the happiest, least judgmental and most uplifting humans I know. Allow yourself to let them help you out of your funk. The housework will always be there – it’s piercing the numbness and the gloom that’s important right now.
    Hugs and best of luck, you can do this.

    By the way, I’m not trying to advertise but have you read any of my posts on mindfulness? There’s some stuff there that has changed my life (no joke) in terms of how I see my thoughts. It’s so easy to get into a downward spiral of negative thinking that we allow to control us, when really we have complete control over them – http://wp.me/p1J9Lk-1Ay
    Good luck x

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