I started this post the week leading up to Christmas, but never posted, (I’m not sure I finished it really) but it is here so I am posting it now.
By neglecting my blog I feel like I’ve neglected a close friend, someone I have turned to in times of need, but then abandoned them when life has seemed perkier.
There are many reasons I can find for me not blogging in recent months, nothing to say, the words wouldn’t flow, time, energy, I’m sure there are many more, but right now, right at this moment I have found the words (I think) and so have grabbed it and am writing.
Since September when the kids when back to school and TJ started playgroup I seem to have been busy, but I’m not sure what I’ve been doing!
I have started working on a very small scale as an Independent Phoenix Trader, which I hope to expand on in the New Year. I have lots of ideas for it, I now just need the money and the confidence to put it in to practice (and the willing customers too!)
Then there has been the planning of FJ’s birthday and party, swiftly followed by planning what to get the nephews for their birthdays (all within a month of each other December to January!) and with Christmas also waiting in the wings presents for all have had to be planned and bought.
I have also been seeing a Psychologist, I think it is helping, I think I am moving on, I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I’m not celebrating yet, I need to be sure, and I need to feel more in control before I can believe that I am ‘better’.
So Christmas is only a few days away and in true child like style my children (the older 2) have turned into grumpy, tired, excited, hyper children, and unfortunately I seem to not cope very well when they are like it. I am also tired and probably stressed, so the combination creates a lovely concoction of me yelling and the kids yelling back – I really can’t think why they shout so much!
I think, well I know, that the mess my house is in contributes to my high levels of stress and short fuse with the kids. I can clearly see the mess, but I just can’t sort it. I do one area, then turn round and another area is a mess too. I think I need a full child free day to actually get the house sorted, then I might be able to be calm, then again..